Some people just can't be helped

Today I have done something I never thought I would do in all my life. I stopped caring.

The story is that I had a friend with a few "issues". I have known this for so long and I have tried to be there for her and do things for her. God knows how much money all together I have spent on this girl. I thought of her as my best friend, so, of course I didn't want anything bad to happen to her and I wanted to help her out of the state she was in. I met her only about 2-3 years ago now I think. She seemed alright, she lived into the next town away from mine and it was cool having someone that seemed happy and fun around. At first she was the one cheering me up. After a few months I didn't see her a lot because I had sixth form. She would have been in college but due to some apparent health issues, which I think are connected to her depression (so, all in her head) she couldn't get out of bed. But somehow managed to go out drinking and able to not go home for days. Again, all down to her depression but if you cant go to college but you can roam the streets everyday and night??? c'mon!

After the few months not really talking to her she suddenly drops it on me that she tried to commit suicide. Now, I did worry for a while. I didn't know what to do. This was all new to me. I was really worried about her and wanted to know she was going to be ok. She told me she tried to drown herself but a stranger dragged her out the river and she hated that she survived because no one helped her and she was just put in a police cell for the night. I am not entirely sure, but I don't think that is how it works. To be honest, with everything she has told me over the years...she would have been locked up by now if all of them were true. I do not know what to believe anymore. She has told me about many suicide attempts and all of them conveniently fail. I have held my tongue about this for a while but today she has pushed me to my limits of understanding.

After all the depression and suicide stories I have tried to be there for her and gave her all the support I can give. I tried to encourage her and try make her look on good sides of things. Nothing works with her. But the other day she said she was going back to college and was really happy about it and looking forward to actually doing something with her life rather than sitting in the house doing nothing all day everyday going deeper and deeper into her dark hole of depression. So I was happy for her and if I am honest I was proud that she finally had pulled herself out of this dark mindset she had been in for so long.  All I wanted was for her to live life to the full and do everything with the full capability that she has. She isn't stupid and she isn't a waste. But she was wasting her life doing nothing for so long.

So I didn't text her on her first day, obviously because she would be doing work or something.......so I thought. I text her in the evening and she told me it had been hell and she had a breakdown because it was too hard and everyone thought she was a freak. She took Drama, it was the first day, they wouldn't exactly been doing much. But I did care about her so I tried to help her stay positive and even offered to go see her. She just went on about she didn't want to be alive. I think I talked her round and calmed her down a bit, I had faith in her and believed she would overcome it if she put her mind to it. She was calm until today. She took a day off yesturday so I asked how today went. She said she had given up and staying home from now on. WTF! seriously! ONE day...ONE!!!

I just gave up. I had spent days crying over her worrying about if she was ok. I have had sleepless nights thinking about her. So I didn't want to sugarcoat it. I just said I gave up and there was nothing I could do for her anymore because she is just sinking deeper into her own depressive mind. You know what she said to me? I will tell you. "Shut up you pathetic fat bitch. Leave me alone" So to this point I just fucking flipped out. I offered her help, she wouldn't take it. I tried being there for her only for her to tell me I don't get it and I don't understand because I have no mental issues. She acts like I've never had to go through bad times in my life and I've never felt bad about anything and never been depressed. She is 19, soon to be 20. She hasn't lived long enough to know how shit life can really get so she is pretty much fucked. I tried telling her that she meant too much to me for me to watch her destroy herself with all that is in her head and that was exactly what it was...IN HER HEAD! I siad I will still be her friend but I can not watch her be like this. Guess what she said..."I hope you die!".

That is the thanks I get. I have tried to help her for years and worried about her for so long. I have spent so much money on her. I took her on holiday, I bought her thinks. Got gig tickets and band t-shirts and everything. I did everything I could think of to make her happy. But because I gave up and didn't want to watch her suffer anymore she goes and throws it all back in my face. I am starting to think that because she isn't getting my sympathy anymore she has shown her true colors. But seriously, I tried my best and I just can't do it anymore. I am going to uni in 9 days time and I can't be dragged down like that. Not again, not after the state I was in during sixth form worrying about her. I am not going to be like that again. I am doing something with my life and I am finally going to be happy and doing something that interests me and what I love to do. If she wants to give up on life and live the rest of her days at her mum and dads house sat being depressed everyday and not doing anything with her life then I am going to leave her be. She can't call me pathetic after everything she has said to me. I'm done with her now. I can't go back. I don't want any harm to come to her. But I tried to help and you can not help someone that doesn't want to be helped and won't help themselves. Some people just can't be helped. xXx

WTF POKEMON?!?!?!?!?!

I have heard a lot of things about the new Pokemon X and Y versions and have mixed feelings about it. As a child I watched the first generation anime, back when there was only 150 Pokemon. I remember watching the first ever episode and getting the first ever movie on VHS for my birthday. The first ever game I played was my friends Fire Red GBA game. I only played it for a day and I loved it. The first game I bought was Pokemon Pearl and all the Pokemon and story lines were new to me. I got used to it after a while as I enjoyed playing the game. I bought the Leaf Green GBA game to put into my DSlite to get back to the good old original Pokemon generation which I grew up with and loved. From Pearl I played all the games up to Pokemon Black because Pokemon just got too over the top with their designs and I couldn't really get into it. It was no longer the Pokemon I loved. So, I didn't really bother with Black and White 2 because I just lost interest. But hearing about the new games has made me think, Should I give it another chance?

I am not really familiar with those top three starter Pokemon, So, I am guessing they are new. The fire type looks awesome and all three designs are really cool. But in Pokemon X and Y you will get to chose not only those starter Pokemon, But the original starters from the first generation games.
Not only that, but they have mega evolve forms too!

 Mega Blastoise. It looks awesome! Those canons are better than the original design, but is it a bit over the top? The Pokedex entry says it can hit targets up to 6 miles away. Reall? Not to much?

Mega Charizard. This is by far the best design. It looks much more dragon...but is it still not a dragon type in the new games? I always wondered why it was never a dragon type. It would make sense, it looks like a dragon, it can learn Dragon Breath...WHY IT NO DRAGON TYPE!!!

Mega Venusaur. This one hasn't really changed much. I think it learns a move it couldn't learn before to raise defence against fire and ice type moves. But appearance-wise not much difference at all. There is a flower on it's head and the flower on it's back is bigger. Not very impressive. Why does didn't they put more effort into this one? They made the others cooler and more awesome and didn't make much of a change for poor Venusaur??? I am sure there are grass type fans that love this Pokemon. But everyone I have talked about Pokemon games with, it is usually the water or fire types taking all the glory. Mainly because they are stronger and look more impressive.

There is even a new mega evolution for MewTwo. To be honest I don't like it. MewTwo was already supposed to be the greatest, most perfect Pokemon in existence. So why does it need a new form? I liked the original design better anyway. This design to me is not that impressive. Especially since MewTwo was already the most impressive Pokemon anyway.

This is where I think Pokemon has gone over the top a little bit. They made a new type. Fairy Type. The new Eeveelution was released to the public a while ago. I don't know if it is because I am not really girly...but I don't like it. It is a great design though. I just personally do not like the girlyness involved. Yet, Eevee is my favorite Pokemon and I am happy to evolve it into this new Eeveelution just to add to the collection. But they really are going over the top with all these new Pokemon and even an entirely new type. It has really changed since the original 150 Pokemon of the first generation.

The game has updated graphics and in 3D so gamers can get closer to the action I suppose. I love the battle layout. But the thing I hate is that we have all these shiny new graphic...yet...they still can't put in actual Pokemon sounds??? Seriously? I would really love for Pikachu to actually sound like the cute little creature it really is rather than sounding like someone stabbed Bumble Bee (Transformers) in the ass. I do not really know much about the story line but I bet it is as over the top as last time. Another thing is that they are overloading on legendaries. It is like it means nothing anymore. Pokemon just isn't the same as the Pokemon I grew up with and loved so much.

That is enough of the Pokemon for now. I am still unsure about getting the game and trying it out. May give it a go just to see if they bring back some of the value it had to me in the good old days. But who knows.

New Sims 4!

Yes, it is true. The new version of the Sims is on it's way. I have to be honest, I am not that excited about it. When I was a child it was the time when the first Sims came out. I wasn't that much into computer gaming and was spending most of my time playing Scarface and The Godfather on PS2. My friend who lived next door to me actually introduced me to the game. I played it with her for a while and I instantly got hooked. I remember buying the first game for my computer from Woolworths and loving everything about it.

 I borrowed the other expansion packs from my friend and expanded my tiny empire. At the time I didn't use any cheats as I wasn't aware of them. So it was fun honest gaming. I loved controlling all these little Sims and planning lives for them.

 But it always bugged me that they never grew older and even with expansion packs it is very limited to what the Sims can actually achieve.
So, you can guess my excitement when the Sims 2 came out. I remember seeing it advertised on TV and going nuts. But at the time I hadn't played Sims in a while after my computer broke. I had been playing the Sims games on PS2 and had already completed both The Sims and The Sims Bustin' Out. Ah, I loved my childhood...So back on track. I borrowed the 4 Disc Sims 2 pack from my friend as she usually was the first person to get any of the Sims games and used it on my Aunties laptop until I got my own. Even though the base games are very...well, ya know...basic...I had a lot of fun. You had more choice with everything. You can actually make your family related, You could get teenagers, You had more choice of clothing and they got older over time.

 The graphics was so much better and you can view things from different angles when you are playing a family. You could choose the neighbourhood layout and put houses where ever you want (as long as it is on a road).

 You also had more choice in build mode and it was nice to have a few houses already built for you.
 Then after every expansion pack it just got better. The seasons changed, you could have pets, go on vacation and live in apartments! It was like having a real little town and I loved everything about it.
Then Sims 3 came along and I thought it would be cool. By then I couldn't play The Sims 2 anymore. My old laptop broke and had to wait a while before buying a new one...which had Windows 8. Now all the Sims fans reading this will know about this issue. The Sims 2 will always crash if you have a Windows 8 operating system. Its shiny new graphics for the present day gaming out-dates The Sims and The Sims 2 causing it to crash, mostly when you try and create a family. Some people have even said it will not even install on their Windows 8 laptops. So of course being away from the game for so long I decided to buy The Sims 3, along with The Sims 3 Pets. I had to admit, I did not like it. The town was already set up for you so there were no houses to put in place unless you wanted to make a new one, which I will say was still fun. The graphics were great and the Sim themselves were more accurate to real people...well...closer than the original game anyway. There was even more variety to make them even more human-like than before by using sliders to choose skin colour, body size etc etc.

The pets looked cool too and actually looked like the breeds they are supposed to be. I loved that you can finally have a horse, which made my fantasy farm come true...almost, because I still want farmyard animals. But it was one step closer. The things I did not like was that when you leave one family and play another, all families you have made continue their lives. This didn't work for me at all as I had plans for each family and when left to free will that all messed up and nothing went as planned. Playing as a teen you can be arrested for staying out late and your pets always run off where ever they want unless you lock them in the house or you build a fence. It was just so annoying every time I was playing a family, the horse from my previous family I played is just trotting around the streets. I like to keep things organised and this game just wouldn't let it happen. I got bored of it and it tried my patience so much I didn't even bother getting the other expansion packs for it. It didn't help that the game would crash. Maybe it was the same problem with Windows 8, but it didn't do it as much as on The Sims 2 game. I just had to keep saving every 5 minutes.
But now they are bringing out a Sims 4! I am not sure if I can handle it again. Apparently the graphics are even better and the Sims are more lifelike than ever as the creators have given them emotions. For example, Sims can feel depressed when listening to a sad song or getting dumped by another Sim. Yes, real emotions. So not only do you have to keep up with motives, but you have to watch out for your Sims emotions.

The creators have made building a lot easier too by making it so you build your house room by room. You can easily change shape of a room and link it to other rooms and if you get sick of what you have made you can simply just grab a room and move it somewhere new. I admit, I like the sound of that. But it is not the building I have a problem with. I like to pick a layout for my town and decide where each house is going to go. I do not want to be restricted. For the create a Sim, they have got rid of the sliders.

All you have to do is click on a body part and move/shape it to whatever you want your Sim to look like. So, just like making a clay model. I might buy the base game when it comes out as I am curious as to if I would like it and what other changes they have made to my most loved game. But, for me, The Sims 2 will always be the best.

 The Sims 4 Official Gameplay Trailer

The Sims 4 Official Arrival Trailer

Music Review: Lady Gaga - Applause

Click For Lady Gaga - Applause Video

I watched this video the other day and first of all I must say...I love Lady Gaga. She is weird and wonderful which has always been inspiring to me. I love weird and wonderful people, for example Marilyn Manson.

This video is creative, Gaga really went all out on her outfits and dance routine. Gaga has not done a video or a song in a while and I was looking forward to it. The video lay out was cool and it was so random and really grabs attention. The only thing I am unsure about is the style. I know it is good for an artist to change styles to keep up with audiences. With her other hit songs it was simple to sing a long and understand what she is saying. With this song it is more of a dance song than something you can sing along to. That is not a bad thing but personally I like to sing along to the songs I like (even though I can not sing at all). The part with Gaga's head on a black swan is kind of creepy, yet creative. I love her costume designs and how she puts everything she has into her music. She has so much energy and focus. How she has put everything together is amazing as always. That is all have have to say about it because it is another Gaga hit with a change to style with a lot more energy. I love Gaga and hope she continues to share her creativity xXx

University: DON'T PANIC!

I have not posted anything in a while, so I thought I would talk a bit about the scare we all get at some point in our lives..."What am I going to do with my life?!". Some of us worry about this later rather than later, but there a lot of teenagers that worry about what they are aiming for in life and what happens after they finish school. Some may just leave school and get a job, others go off to University/College.

I don't know how it works in America and other countries, but in the UK we have two years in Sixth Form where we chose four subjects to take for AS/A levels. Most student find this time stressful because they want to get the best grades to get the UCAS points required for the University they want to go to. It does depend on what University they want to go to because all Universities have different expectations and standards when it comes to grades and UCAS points. The two years of Sixth Form is different for each individual. Some take their work more seriously than others and some may work better in some of their subjects than the rest. I personally preferred my more creative subjects. I had originally chosen History, Drama, Media Studies and Philosophy. I dropped History after three months because I could not keep up with everyone else and I knew I would not be able to do well in the exams. Media Studies was interesting and I found it more fun because I can be creative and do what I want while improving my skills. Drama was fun although I was shy. It helped me be more confident a little bit. Philosophy was interesting to begin with, but in my second year it got too much as the work doubled and was going through personal things at the time which effected my attendance. So I had to drop it in my second year or I would lose my B that I had from my first year. From my other two subjects I had Cs. I did my media coursework again for a higher grade. I only started to worry towards the end of my second year. I was only doing two subjects and I did not think I would get enough UCAS points to get into Aberystwyth University because it was asking for 300-320 points. My second Uni choice was Camarthen University which only asked for 180 points. But I didn't even think I would get that so I was worried. When I had my results I had C's from Media and Drama and still had last years B from Philosophy. All together it was 210 points. As I was getting my result I had a text message from Aberystwyth University saying I was accepted. The Universities were accepting people on lower grades because the exam marks have gotten tighter and it was becoming harder to get high grades.

So, the point is, do not worry too much about Universities and if you are going to get in and if you ware good enough. I have to admit, I was worried before my results because I did not even think I was good enough for my second choice Uni that had a lower standard. Now I have been accepted 100 points off the required points and I will be joining one of the best Universities in the UK. I will be doing what I love and getting the qualifications I need to get a job I will enjoy. Do not worry so much about results because everything works out if you have tried. It is true if you don't do the work and don't bother with anything then you won't be fit for University. For those who care about their future and want to get into Uni just stay calm, do the work, revise for the exams and wait for results. Do not over-think things and wait patiently for the time to come when you get the result then sort out what you are going to do. If you have tried and done the work then everything will work out as it is meant to be. DON'T PANIC LIKE I DID! Because you will see in the end you spent all the time worried about nothing. xXx

An analysis of the representation of Andy Biersack in the genre of metal/screamo music

I chose to do this essay as my coursework for my A level Media Studies. My coursework included a music video and the essay had to link to the coursework. The video was for Black Veil Brides - Wretched and Divine so of course the essay was going to be about Black Veil Brides. I am interested in representation so I just wrote and analysis of Andy Biersack's representation. His representation was a lot simpler to talk about rather than the band as a whole and Andy is the founder and only original member left of Black Veil Brides. I know that Black Veil Brides aren't exactly metal or screamo and consider themselves as a Rock band. I agree but in terms of the essay I mixed it up a bit so I had more to talk about and therefore getting me more marks. So here it is.


 

The term “representation” means how media language and its conventions are used to represent certain things to an audience. Genres are formed by conventions that change over time as new genres are invented and the uses of older ones are discontinued. Often, works fit into multiple genres by the way of borrowing and recombining these conventions. Metal is genre of rock music that developed in the late 1960’s and the early 1970’s, mainly in the United Kingdom and the United States. The bands that created metal developed a thick, massive sound, characterised by highly amplified distortion, extended guitar solos and overall loudness. Metal lyric and performance styles are generally associated with masculinity.

The first metal bands such as Led Zeplin and Black Sabbath attracted large audiences, though they were often critically reviled a status common throughout the history of the genre. For certain artists and bands, visual imagery plays a large role in heavy metal. Some heavy metal acts such as Alice Cooper and Kiss have outrageous performance personas and stage shows.

Screamo is a sub-genre of hardcore punk, which predominantly evolved from emo, among other genres, in the early 1990’s. The genre experienced a popularity boost in the late 1990’s and 2000’s, and by mid-2000’s the over-saturation of the scene encouraged bands such as Alexonfire to incorporate more experimental elements.

When the word “Rock Star” is said it often conjures up images of drug taking, drinking, rebellious, powerful people who smash up instruments and act extreme. There are four things needed for bands to achieve the stereotypical rock star image. First of all they need a look. The look has always been a trashy “I don't care” type of look. The stereotypical rock star does not bother spending thousands on one outfit which proves to be popular because it shows that it does not matter what you look like it is all about the music. This is not always the case. Some rock stars in the world today are based more on image. Secondly what bands need is attitude to go with the look. A rock stars attitude is supposed to be crazy-portraying that they don't care what people think and they can do what they want. The third things bands need is the lifestyle. A rock stars lifestyle is meant to be extreme, hence the slogan “sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll”. Because of the rebelliousness within the lifestyle it appeals to teenage fans. Last but not least, bands need the music to fit their image and the attitude. It has to be crazy and the band needs to show this in their movements on stage. If they don't, the audience would get bored.

The general impression of “rock star” can vary from person to person. Although the stereotype most commonly shown in the media is that of the long haired, drug taking, vast amount of alcohol drinking party animal. But this image has seemed to change and develop throughout the years.

 

Black Veil Brides are an American band who formed originally in Cincinnati, Ohio, But was reformed in 2009 in Hollywood, California. They were inspired by the likes of Motley Crue, Kiss, Marilyn Manson and many more. They are known for their distinct appearance. Andy Beirsack, The lead vocals of the band, is a main focus of this representation. In 2009 Andy was known as a stereotypical “emo” although at the time he did not know what an emo was and never heard of the stereotype. He had long, black hair just above shoulder length and piercings in his bottom lip. He wore black skinny jeans and either dark or a specific styled clothing which is classed as “emo”. He also put on black make up around his eyes. He was only eighteen and represented as a teenager who was “different” to other teenagers.

Andy Biersack around the time of the "Knives and Pens" video.

 

In 2010 his image progressed as he wore dark clothing, had long shoulder length, black straightened hair, Lip piercings and tattoos with more extreme black make up around his eyes and his own design of stitching across the side of his face from his lip. This representation had evolved from the band changing their music style towards metalcore and hard rock sound. Andy’s style had become more towards gothic than what was previously seen as emo.

Andy Biersack about 2010

When the band started to get more famous and popular, his image still remained the main focus as it progressed. In 2011 he wore more black make up, more body paint, more tattoos, tight studded clothing, leather jackets, leather fingerless gloves, black boots and bigger styled long black hair. This image suits his band genre of rock/metal/screamo as the music is seen as dark and heavy just as his image suggests. If someone was to look at him it would be impossible to come to the conclusion he performs pop or rap music. Even someone who did not know who he was would think he must be in a metal/rock band because he has a strong stereotypical American rocker image. He could not be anything but a rock star. One thing that has been widely accepted by the public about the rock star image is just how effeminate they can be. It is acceptable for a male rock star to with long hair in tight trousers shaking their hips, and still be considered “sexy” to thousands of fans. Andy won sexiest male of the 2012 Kerrang! Readers poll and nominated for hottest mail for the Kerrang! Awards three years in a row.

Andy Biersack 2011

In 2012 he cut his hair and had a more denim rocker look. On the back of each band members jackets were their nicknames. This gave them more of a biker gang look rather than the stereotypical studded leather rock star style. It was unique for the band and very original whereas the previous styles where inspired by other bands of the past, such as Motley Crue, Kiss and Alice Cooper.

Andy Biersack at Download Festival 2012.

 

In 2013 Andy changed his style yet again. He went back to wearing leather but had his own unique style. He wore less make up and grew his hair out again. But it had a new style. The look made them look like rock stars but less stereotypical as they mix up old leather styles with their own new unique styles. He is still represented by the media as a singer who loves what he does and is working hard to get where he is. Yet sometimes he can be seen as “up himself” as he talks about his high ambitions and what he wants to achieve. In the Legion Of The Black film which Black Veil Brides made he is represented as a hero saving those who are not understood by society. This is sometimes the case in real life for most of his fans. He is still shown as the dedicated rock star who does not take advantage of his fame and money.

 Andy Biersack 2013

 

Andy Beirsack is stereotypical due to the image, although in the old days rock stars didn't look like they spent thousands on clothing while Black Veil Brides do not wear clothing that is available cheaply. They do however have the typical hair, tattoos, piercings and make up, which has been the main part of a rock star image for many years. Andy does have the rock star lifestyle but he does not take drugs like the rock star stereotype, although he does drink a lot. He has the rock star attitude and he certainly shows it on stage which means the audience never gets bored. The music is straight up rock metal, so Andy and the rest of his band have all of the four major things linking to the rock star stereotype.

The representation of rock star is made out like they are incredibly extreme, violent and raging alcoholics. However, the majority of modern rock stars are not like that, the majority of them care more about their music and their fans rather than the rock star image. Andy Biersack thinks more of the music and his fans while looking his best to what suits his music genre. Andy does not have an “extreme” lifestyle like some rock stars today e.g Oli Sykes. Most rock stars now have settled down, and aren't groupie grabbing rebels. Andy and most of the members of his band are settled down with girlfriends/wives yet they are still rebels. They rebel against what society thinks of them and their fans. It is true some rock stars take advantage of the representation and consider it acceptable to “play up” to the image and act differently just because it is how they are portrayed.

So that is what I did for my A level coursework essay. If anyone actually got to the end of this without getting bored and exiting then thanks for reading this. All together my teacher said my work is a B so I am pretty pleased. If you want to comment the feel free.

 

NightshadexXx

  

 

Music Review: Falling In Reverse - Alone

Sorry there is no sound on the video here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcbOfVKSMkA

I have recently watched this music video about 10 times now. It was hard to review this because I love Ronnie Radke and the band as a whole. The Drug In Me Is You is one of my top 10. I love most of their songs but this one is...different.

I can see what Ronnie tried to achieve, mixing the music he already makes with rap with a use of a robot voice (I don't know the actual term for it). He tried to mix it up to widen the audience and make a new kind of sound. It is always risky to mix different kinds of music together, so it can either be a masterpiece or...failure.

While I can see what the band tried to achieve and I understand the idea and the message behind it, I have to say they made a risk that didn't go so well. The message itself is Ronnie telling the haters "fuck you I can do what I want, I don't care what you say". But he says it in a more abusive way. This is due to Ronnie's aggressive attitude. I do agree with fans that Ronnie has changed from the way he used to be back in Escape The Fate. But he still shows the aggressive behavior, maybe without noticing it...but I can't be sure. I can see why he is pissed off about what his haters say but that's all part of the music industry. Some will love you and others won't.

I can see the message they are trying to put across. I think the idea of mixing it up was good but risky. The risk didn't turn out to be in their favor and I think it certainly failed. The one thing that is good about it is the chorus. The video itself wasn't up to the usual Falling In Reverse standards of their last videos. This video was very disappointing and not as good as their earlier work. I personally didn't like the the rest of the band in white and the glittery guitars. The video also didn't show as much of the other members of the band as earlier videos. Ronnie shows his age more with his new style in the video. I agree with changing image within a band like Black Veil Brides or Asking Alexandria, but Ronnie's new image does not suit him.

To sum up, this video is full of risky changes that did not work well. Some may like the video and the song, but I personally think it does not work. But comment and share your opinion if you want :-)

NightshadexXx